WHAT DO I REALLY WANT????

By Todd Tillinghast

--Socrates said “know thyself.”  Philosophy, Psychology and every great religion throughout history has understood both the importance and the difficulty of knowing ourselves.  Yet in most of this literature, one can only derive simple techniques to understand our personalities, strengths and weaknesses a little better.  Psychology has delved deeper yet into the exploration of how the soul has been shaped by past experiences and relationships. But the one question that seems to continue to go unanswered is:

“What do I really want????

As soon as we think we have arrived and we have what we thought we wanted; a great job, a great relationship, a new car, we realize that it wasn’t exactly everything we thought it would be and that that nagging want is still there.  The great “wanting” that is common to all humanity seems to be nebulous, difficult to understand and nearly impossible to satisfy. 

The question is not only what do we want or need but where do we go to get the answer?

Do we do some deep soul searching to find out what it is that we really want?  Do we really think that we ourselves are the best source for the answer to this question?  Jeremiah 17:9 says “The heart is deceitful above all things.  And desperately wicked; who can know it?”  I don’t know about you but this does not sound to me like a reliable source of information. Why would I go to a source that would deceive me and in which I cannot understand for answers to questions that are extremely pertinent such as what do I really want out of life or who do I want to spend the rest of life with?  The heart deceives us in to thinking and believing that we need, want, desire and are entitled to things that are not really important and that aren’t what God wants for us.  The reality is that we are confused and very unsure of what we really want.  We have been conditioned by society and we have been misled by our own hearts.  It is difficult to decipher the difference between our true desires and those imposed upon us by sources outside of ourselves.     

I still remember the day after we closed on our first home. On the day before when we went to the house they gave us the key for the first time and I could have leapt over the moon.  It was our house! It belonged to us!  But the next day I woke up just like every other day and two realizations hit me like a ton of bricks.  The first one was that not much had really changed.  I still had to go to work and I still had to deal with life.  And the second realization was that now I had a hefty mortgage payment every month!!  Sure we loved that house.  It was a blessing.  But it wasn’t everything and in the end it didn’t make the “wanting” go away.  Soon, as with everything else, we began to find reasons to complain.  The house wasn’t big enough or it didn’t have a great view. 

After many years of dealing with this roller coaster ride called my desires I have finally began to come to the understanding that the “wanting” is never going to completely go away this side of heaven.  It’s not supposed to.  It doesn’t matter how much money I throw at it (Which probably won’t be much) or how many accolades I obtain in life.  I may be able to temporarily satiate the “wanting” but it will never completely go away.  We were created to want something more than anything on this earth can fulfill.  The Bible tells us that we are “strangers and pilgrims” on the earth (Heb 11:13).  We are just passing through.  This is not all there is for us.

In 1^st Peter 1:3-6 the Apostle admonishes us as to what our hope should be in.  He talks about our inheritance which is incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away.  And guess where it is waiting for us?  In heaven, not on this earth, in vs. 6 he says that “In this we greatly rejoice even though for a little while we are grieved with various trials on this earth.”  This is a great message of hope for all of us longing, wanting people reaching for something that we can never quite grasp. 

Everything on this earth will fade; our good looks, our health, and our money, all of it.    Some things will light up brighter than others and some will last longer than others but in the end all things are still mere flashes in the pan.  This life is a vapor but the life to come is out of this world.  I believe that God has given us many things on this earth to enjoy and I intend to enjoy them. But I try to remind myself that I am not entitled to anything.  The people in my closest relationships, the government or anyone else don’t owe me anything.  Even if they were to give me everything I want or think I want I have a feeling I wouldn’t be happy for long anyway.  When I put my hope and trust in things on this earth I will be disappointed every time.  Temporal things cannot hold up under our demanding eternal appetites.  Thank God He has made a provision for those desires to be satiated for eternity. God give us the strength to wait on you and rejoice in what we now have as we eagerly await what is to come!!! 

Servant Leadership is not synonymous with “scared to death!”

By Todd Tillinghast 

In our ever changing and difficult world the words of Howard Hendricks ring true, “The key to leadership is endurance.”  Leadership is not for the faint at heart.  It’s difficult on many levels.  It requires the ability to manage complexity as well as deal with critics and nay Sayers.  It involves making tough decisions on a daily basis and being held responsible for the outcomes of those decisions.  It takes tough skin and a gentle heart and the ability to not allow the two to get rearranged.  A capacity to stick to the task at hand even when the accolades aren’t forthcoming and things are difficult defines the true leader.

In our overly sensitive, pluralistic, politically correct and tolerance addicted society we have emasculated strong leadership.  In our overemphasis on “servant leadership” we have epitomized leadership as something so soft and gentle that it is almost non existent.  In fact, in many places the idea of “silent leadership” is held up as the correct pattern.

The problem with this sentiment is that we have miscalculated and misinterpreted the true meaning of servant leadership.  We see the word servant and we start thinking of a lowly, mamby pamby, Casper milk toast , sniveling individual who wouldn’t dare make a decision or stand up for what he or she believes in.  So the pressure is placed upon leaders to “act like servants” which is just another way of telling them to shut up and sit down.  This is not the kind of leadership we see exemplified by Christ.  In Philippians 2:5-9 we see the ultimate picture of a servant leader.  Paul paints us this portrait of our Lord and Savior.  Yes in vs. 7 we see that He took the form of a bondservant which in biblical times meant a willing slave.  But in the previous verse we see that He did not think it robbery to consider Himself equal with God!   What does that mean?  That He knew who He was.  He knew He was God!  Even a cursory perusal of the gospels would lead one to the obvious conclusion that He was very vocal about this knowledge and understanding.  It didn’t seem to bother Jesus that people called Him blasphemous when He told them that He was the son of God.  Today we would gasp if a leader was so forthright in their understanding that God had called him or her to lead.  We would say that person wasn’t being humble.

 

Then back in vs 7 we see what true leadership and consequently true servant hood is.  It’s making ourselves of no reputation.  That was what Christ did.  In other words, He didn’t care what people thought about Him.  He said what He needed to say and He did what He needed to do.  He did say that He came to serve and that is exactly what He did.  But there were many people who believed Him to be anything but a servant.  They hated Him so much that they killed Him.  Does this mean that He wasn’t a servant?  Does it mean that He wasn’t a servant because He was confident in who He was?  Does it mean that He wasn’t a servant because He had a reputation among many as being someone who was trying to draw attention to Himself through His words and miracles?  I fear that in our modern concept of servant leadership Jesus would not pass the test.  Leadership is not for the weak.  Servant hood is not synonymous with “Scared to death” and humility does not equate humiliation. 

 If we were to be honest with ourselves many of us would need to admit that our main motive in being “servant like” is for the purpose of gaining the reputation of a servant.  How many times do we take a quick glance to see who is looking before we engage in an act of service?  Most of us play the game.  We know that the more humble we can make everyone think we are the more likely we will be considered for leadership.  So servant hood by in large has been down graded to acts of service no longer measured by heart attitudes as it should be.  So we become experts at opening doors for young ladies and mopping floors and cleaning toilets all the time knowing that we are gaining brownie points with the servant leader crowd.  

 I’m certainly not saying that acts of service are wrong.  But let’s make sure that our motives are right.  I have a sneaky suspicion that the most humble and servant like among us go unnoticed.  They may even be people that we have assumed are arrogant.  We may have no idea of how much money, time and energy they give because they do it secretly without public recognition and accolades.  We may even be surprised to realize that some of the strongest and most confident among us are also the greatest servants but because they care so little about impressing us we never even know it.  And they are content to let many of us think them to be arrogant and pompous rather than showcase their humility.  

We live in a world that is desperate for strong leadership.  Leaders who will serve, not to be recognized and applauded as a servant but who will stand up for what is right no matter what people think or say about them.  This is the true mark of humility and it is the true test of leadership.  Are you up for the task?