Going Deeper in relationships

Ah February, the month when we are thinking about love and relationships and all things gooey and smushy. There, now that I have made my mandatory joke (which is indicative of my discomfort with relationships) we can move beyond the disclaimer. In all seriousness, I do think that Valentines Day is a great time of year to reflect upon our relationships. But my goal this year and my challenge to you is to go deeper than just remembrance and really reflect and examine how healthy Our relationships are. Don’t allow another valentines day to arrive finding you rushing around at the last minute making dinner arrangements or that eleventh hour Wal-Mart run to pick up the fluffy toy that says “you’re cute” when you squeeze it. These are the Valentines Day obligations that we do just to make sure that we measure up to societies standards (and the expectations of our spouses.) But do these gestures really convey depth in our relationships or do they merely give us a facade of something that is not really there? This may make us feel better about “not forgetting valentines day” but how do these rituals really edify our relationships?

I want to attempt in my next several blogs to challenge us to go deeper in our relationships. Not just in our marriage relationships but in all of our relationships. I will suggest several ways that we can do this and challenge our thinking in areas where we may believe that we are already enjoying deep relationships. I hope you get something out of it.

RELATIONSHIPS: GOING DEEPER.

TAKING INVENTORY

I think that we all struggle with depth in our relationships. I know I do maybe more than anything else in my life. Everything in life that matters has its essence in relationships. The level of effectiveness in every area of your life can be measured by the level of effectiveness in your relationships. So what is our attitude toward our relationships? It’s time to take inventory of our relationships.

Think about your relationship with your spouse, children, parents and friends. Do you really have deep relationships or are they just pseudo relationships merely existing on the surface only?


DEFINING DEPTH IN RELATIONSHIPS (TRUTH TELLING)


Eph 4:15 says “But speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head Christ.” Speaking the truth in love is essential to deep relationships. As this verse says, when we speak the truth in love we mature and grow up and so do our relationships. The verse further indicates that when we speak the truth in love we are becoming more like Christ because He speaks the truth in love. Being able to tell each other the truth in a loving way is the hallmark of a deep relationship. But I bet if you really think about it there are precious few people in your life that you can be completely honest with. There aren’t many in mine. There is always something we are holding back.

So now that we have defined a deep relationship as one in which we can tell each other the truth in a free and gracious way how do we arrive at that place in our relationships? Well, let’s first discuss the importance of relationships.


WHY ARE RELATIONSHIPS SO IMPORTANT?


Why is depth in relationships so important? Not only is depth in relationship important for our own personal growth and health but relationship is at the core of everything. Society is built on relationships. It starts with the relationship of a man and a woman and then branches out to children and a family then to a community and then a nation. If relationships, which is the content and glue that keeps all of these Human institutions together, are not deep then it should be no surprise to us that society is falling apart in front of our eyes.

Jesus built His Church, the most powerful force on the Planet today, on the foundation of relationship. Let’s see what He tells His disciples near the end of His life after he spent three years developing a relationship with them. John 15:15. “No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My father I have made known to you.”

I want to point out a couple of things about this verse. Jesus said this at the last supper. It was at the end of His time with His disciples. He told them after three years of living with them and experiencing life together that they were His friends. Relationships take time they cannot be rushed.

He entrusted these men (a band of friends) to build the church, to write the New Testament and to preach the Gospel to the known world at that time. What was the foundation? Did they have seminary degrees? Were they knighted in some formal ceremony? No, He said you are my friends. I have poured myself into you now go and change the world (Mathew 28:19,20 The great Commission) This was a simple statement to friends but the outcome changed History. The whole movement, the church, the beginning of it all was based on this friendship Jesus had with these 12 men.